The after party

The more i perform live the less i fear the audience until its totally gone now , but without the thrill , with out the fear there isn't much of joy , i hardly feel happy or excited about a concert or whats after it , it became something like a job , an hour that i need to do in order to feel achievment , and i measure my achievment but the strangest act humans do : clapping thier hands and roaring ! just like monkeys . its strange why when we see something that we like we start clapping our hands ! but whats even more strange is that we start measuring how good we were by that act !!

I feel that i'm at a threshold of a new beginning that i was trying so hard to avoid simply because i beleive beginnings are always hard , always stresful , and during them there isn't any guilt free time , everything you do is make that step easier , otherwise i'll consider it wasting time . But looks like that fate wants me to face this new thing , and i'm giving in !