When ?!!

When will i feel fucking happy ? i got everything i fucking wanted , I've been waiting for this fucking moment for years , why did nothing change ? why do i do what i do ? if i don't do anything i'll feel the fucking same , i fucked myself to be here , i payed a fucking piece of myself to be here , why does it feel like fucking shit ? Why does everything seem worthless ?

Confession

"tell me more ,, all of the pointless stories you have , let me dream while you tell them , let me dream that one day when your done telling your stories , i'll be brave enough to tell you i love you"

Thinking 3

* When you work at a company your simply providing labor in exchange of capital , your selling your time for your salary , therefore during your time that is owned by other people you should look the way they want you to look , talk the way they want you to talk , and do the things that they want you to do , if you want to do something that you want to do you must asked for a personal leave that will be deducted from your annual vacations , simply because you have already sold that time and no one wants to pay you to do your personal stuff .

* I realized that i do not love anything that i do during the course of the day , when i am home i am already drained and tired because of my work , and usually in a very bad mood , they say thats how you feel at the beginning then things get back to normal and you accept how things work .

* I need something new to do , or to learn , sometimes following a routine is good and relaxing , by lately my routine became stressful , a normal day starts with going to work , i don't really like my job and i don't like the people i work with , i take breaks at work by either going to the bathroom or calling my girlfriend , usually she is feeling sad and tired which does not help make my mood better because we talk about how she is feeling and i just get back to my desk feeling more stressed , at my lunch break i eat with a couple of guys from a different department , they are nice but they just don't talk , when it is time to leave work i wait for a cab usually for half an hour or so , then am home i eat , change my clothes , sometimes i study , i call my girlfriend , she cries , i go to bed , then wake up and go to work again . My life was not like that before , but for some reason i do not see a purpose of doing anything these days , people tell me to wait , i am waiting either way , but this is not what i wanted to be 3 years ago .

Thinking 2

* An ethical man will chose to face the consequences of his actions , when he is wrong he will try to correct what he has done and accept the punishment for the damage he has done , even if the punishment can be avoided , even if he does not have to correct what he has done ,, a logical man will only try to benefit himself and after doing that benefit other people , therefore he knows that punishments and consequences are not necessary if they can be avoided and if he can what he wants with facing them .

* If you are hungry you eat , you find an apple while your hungry you eat it , if you find an apple while your hungry but you can not buy it but you can steal and no one would notice you should not take it , it is not ethical to do that , it is ethical to starve to death than to steal , while it is logical to eat if you are hungry .

* If someone is upsetting it is ethical to smile and understand what they are going through , it is ethical to hold your feelings in and not speak what is going on your mind , while it is logical to push away harm and anything that is upsetting you .

* An ethical man does good for good's sake , a logical man does good for the benefits he will reap from it

Thinking

* I am what i am today because of what i decided to be yesterday , i am sure i had good reasons on that day .

* One of the things i have to learn is to accept my redundancy , i should get satisfaction from the minimal effect i have on the small sample that surrounds me , i should learn to accept that i do not matter .

* I have been waiting for at least 8 years , i am not denying that life gave me breaks , but i never found what i am looking for , maybe because i started looking before even knowing what that is , i can say that i tried almost everything , i have only two things left to try , if they did not work i will most probably tell god that i quit .

* I almost pin pointed the time that i want to go back in time to , the date , the time , the hour , not sure about the minute , but am close enough to that , for the first time in my life i am regretful , and for some reason i left a record on that day , maybe to teach myself a lesson , or maybe because of my nature of ruining anything that is beautiful .

* I like this new feeling of nothingness , i am trying to maintain it more , to be able to control it , emotions in general are useless and misleading , getting rid of them will make us more logical therefore we will be able to achieve more and get rid of deficiencies , such as half of the human race .

* Capitalism will not collapse , will not fall , the world is different than what it used to be back at the days of the soviet union , the economies of the world are integrated more then ever , so integrated that competitors depend on each other , and the collapse of the west will mean the collapse of the east , that is why they will not allow it , that is why the big are shaking hands while the small and vile are fucking each other .

* Humans in general are disgusting and useless , why does God love such creatures ? i can see that we are entertaining , but in the same time we are more frustrating.

Economical Revolution

Politicians practically control the world , they go to those small meetings that only “ presidents” get to go to , they talk about their own nation , that they want what’s good for it and what’s good for the whole world , they decide if they should invade a certain country or not , they decide if they should be friends with a certain country or not , but at the end of the day each politician meets up with his economical advisor to ask him what to do .

Wars are waged because of economical reasons , not because of religious beliefs or to liberate a country from a dictator , strategic alliances between countries are made based on economical comparative advantages and how trade will benefit the economy of each country , boycotts are made because of economical reasons not because of cultural differences or just plain racism , to liberate an occupied country , you must liberate its economy , sometimes even before liberating it using military action.

When Gandi liberated india , the whole was talking how that man without military action was able to liberate a country using only peace , which is a naïve statement , Gandi liberate india by economical warfare , by making the people manufacture what they need instead of buying it from their occupier , by taking salt out of the water and selling it , using the countries own resources , it is foolish to believe that the brits got tired because they are beating the Indians and they are not hitting back , if it weren’t for that economical warfare , the whole world would be going to india to hand over a free beating .

Che tried to do the same thing , although after military actions and getting rid of the “ physical “ occupation , they closed all foreign businesses , and tried to use the countries abundant resources of sugarcane , it didn’t work but they found another resource to keep the country free from its needs .

For some strange reason , people tend to not know a lot about economics , even people who are interested in politics , which in my opinion makes their understanding and ability to analyze what is going on and why is it going on a little impaired , politicians can lie , but numbers are hard to be manipulated , and even if they are by careful study they can be cleared out , therefore I believe that understanding economics will give us better insight of the events that’s happening in the world .

I don't love you , I pity you

I feel ..

wake up , you've been sleeping for so long , it is okay to make mistakes but it is foolish not to learn from them , is that what you needed to wake up ? the least person you expected to wake you up to warm you about your old intentions ? Idiot ! idiot !

it does not matter now , it could be too late , it could be too soon , it does not matter , you heard the call , answer it , it is time to finally know , and time to finally understand , your fear of regret is what is causing all this . It is time , face it , face it now or never , remain hidden in your shell , a shell that will soon be broken and you'll be laying naked in front of yourself . It is time .

Why not ?

Its not that the timing is no longer right ,,
Its not that i am almost forgotten , slowly becoming a pleasant memory ,,
Its not the fear of pain , the fear of rejection , and difenatly its not about taking risks ,,

What would you do if you asked God for something , and when He gave it to you , you threw it back at His face ?
What would you do if you betrayed yourself , ruined your destiny ? traded whats right for whats wrong ?

I can not blame Him for what He is doing , but i hope that there is a lesson to be taught , not a punishment that needs to be executed ,,,

For now my friend , i can not face Her , i have to able to look in the mirror before i'll be able to look into Her eyes , i can't stand her disappointment , i can't stand her glowing eyes ,,

My dear old friend , i just remembered why we are different , and why am i no longer that different , we used to have souls , we used to have hearts , we used to have passion ,,,,

I am sorry , but i promise you i will try ,,

maybe then ..

Tell me ..

Tell me
I'm not alone

Tell me
We are not alone in this world
Fighting against the wind

Do you remember the time
When simple things made you happy?

Do you remember the time
When little things made you laugh?

You know
Life can be simple

You know
Life is simple

Because
The best thing in life is yet to come

Because....
The best is yet to come.

Listen !

listen to what you say , its easier to try to figure out what you are thinking and why you are thinking it , once you say things outloud and they make sense , its probably because you needed to hear someone saying that thing to you , even if it was you who said it in the end .

Also , do the processing that you do usually when you listen to someone else when you listen to yourself , read between the lines , try to figure out the motive that generated these words , and what they are aiming for ,, usually when you are talking about something alot , it does not usually mean that your satisfied with it , it means that you need to convince yourself of something by self-hypnosis , which is not good :) , when you try to hypnotise yourself your trying to convince your subconscious , then let your subconscious convince your conscious , the conscious is the processing unit , so if you pypass it you'll make illogical decisions and harm yourself , which is not good :)

!

What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil , but what is just and right lies beyond all .