Girdish life

Life

2010-02-09T13:58:00.000-08:00

Life is like a game of cards , you play the cards your dealt , sometimes you win , sometimes you lose , and your always bored

I'm Sorry

2010-02-03T12:48:00.000-08:00

i'm sorry i had to hang up ,, a lot of things had happened lately to me , but of all these things your laugh was the thing that brought me to tears

i still remember that day as if it was yesterday , how happy i was at that moment , and because i was happy on that day am miserable now , my problem is simple but i can't fix it

i miss you

When ?!!

2009-12-03T11:49:00.000-08:00

When will i feel fucking happy ? i got everything i fucking wanted , I've been waiting for this fucking moment for years , why did nothing change ? why do i do what i do ? if i don't do anything i'll feel the fucking same , i fucked myself to be here , i payed a fucking piece of myself to be here , why does it feel like fucking shit ? Why does everything seem worthless ?

Confession

2009-11-28T09:30:00.000-08:00

"tell me more ,, all of the pointless stories you have , let me dream while you tell them , let me dream that one day when your done telling your stories , i'll be brave enough to tell you i love you"

Thinking 3

2009-11-23T12:21:00.000-08:00

* When you work at a company your simply providing labor in exchange of capital , your selling your time for your salary , therefore during your time that is owned by other people you should look the way they want you to look , talk the way they want you to talk , and do the things that they want you to do , if you want to do something that you want to do you must asked for a personal leave that will be deducted from your annual vacations , simply because you have already sold that time and no one wants to pay you to do your personal stuff .

* I realized that i do not love anything that i do during the course of the day , when i am home i am already drained and tired because of my work , and usually in a very bad mood , they say thats how you feel at the beginning then things get back to normal and you accept how things work .

* I need something new to do , or to learn , sometimes following a routine is good and relaxing , by lately my routine became stressful , a normal day starts with going to work , i don't really like my job and i don't like the people i work with , i take breaks at work by either going to the bathroom or calling my girlfriend , usually she is feeling sad and tired which does not help make my mood better because we talk about how she is feeling and i just get back to my desk feeling more stressed , at my lunch break i eat with a couple of guys from a different department , they are nice but they just don't talk , when it is time to leave work i wait for a cab usually for half an hour or so , then am home i eat , change my clothes , sometimes i study , i call my girlfriend , she cries , i go to bed , then wake up and go to work again . My life was not like that before , but for some reason i do not see a purpose of doing anything these days , people tell me to wait , i am waiting either way , but this is not what i wanted to be 3 years ago .

Thinking 2

2009-11-21T13:59:00.000-08:00

* An ethical man will chose to face the consequences of his actions , when he is wrong he will try to correct what he has done and accept the punishment for the damage he has done , even if the punishment can be avoided , even if he does not have to correct what he has done ,, a logical man will only try to benefit himself and after doing that benefit other people , therefore he knows that punishments and consequences are not necessary if they can be avoided and if he can what he wants with facing them .

* If you are hungry you eat , you find an apple while your hungry you eat it , if you find an apple while your hungry but you can not buy it but you can steal and no one would notice you should not take it , it is not ethical to do that , it is ethical to starve to death than to steal , while it is logical to eat if you are hungry .

* If someone is upsetting it is ethical to smile and understand what they are going through , it is ethical to hold your feelings in and not speak what is going on your mind , while it is logical to push away harm and anything that is upsetting you .

* An ethical man does good for good's sake , a logical man does good for the benefits he will reap from it

Thinking

2009-11-20T13:33:00.000-08:00

* I am what i am today because of what i decided to be yesterday , i am sure i had good reasons on that day .

* One of the things i have to learn is to accept my redundancy , i should get satisfaction from the minimal effect i have on the small sample that surrounds me , i should learn to accept that i do not matter .

* I have been waiting for at least 8 years , i am not denying that life gave me breaks , but i never found what i am looking for , maybe because i started looking before even knowing what that is , i can say that i tried almost everything , i have only two things left to try , if they did not work i will most probably tell god that i quit .

* I almost pin pointed the time that i want to go back in time to , the date , the time , the hour , not sure about the minute , but am close enough to that , for the first time in my life i am regretful , and for some reason i left a record on that day , maybe to teach myself a lesson , or maybe because of my nature of ruining anything that is beautiful .

* I like this new feeling of nothingness , i am trying to maintain it more , to be able to control it , emotions in general are useless and misleading , getting rid of them will make us more logical therefore we will be able to achieve more and get rid of deficiencies , such as half of the human race .

* Capitalism will not collapse , will not fall , the world is different than what it used to be back at the days of the soviet union , the economies of the world are integrated more then ever , so integrated that competitors depend on each other , and the collapse of the west will mean the collapse of the east , that is why they will not allow it , that is why the big are shaking hands while the small and vile are fucking each other .

* Humans in general are disgusting and useless , why does God love such creatures ? i can see that we are entertaining , but in the same time we are more frustrating.

Economical Revolution

2009-10-06T02:03:00.001-07:00

Politicians practically control the world , they go to those small meetings that only “ presidents” get to go to , they talk about their own nation , that they want what’s good for it and what’s good for the whole world , they decide if they should invade a certain country or not , they decide if they should be friends with a certain country or not , but at the end of the day each politician meets up with his economical advisor to ask him what to do .

Wars are waged because of economical reasons , not because of religious beliefs or to liberate a country from a dictator , strategic alliances between countries are made based on economical comparative advantages and how trade will benefit the economy of each country , boycotts are made because of economical reasons not because of cultural differences or just plain racism , to liberate an occupied country , you must liberate its economy , sometimes even before liberating it using military action.

When Gandi liberated india , the whole was talking how that man without military action was able to liberate a country using only peace , which is a naïve statement , Gandi liberate india by economical warfare , by making the people manufacture what they need instead of buying it from their occupier , by taking salt out of the water and selling it , using the countries own resources , it is foolish to believe that the brits got tired because they are beating the Indians and they are not hitting back , if it weren’t for that economical warfare , the whole world would be going to india to hand over a free beating .

Che tried to do the same thing , although after military actions and getting rid of the “ physical “ occupation , they closed all foreign businesses , and tried to use the countries abundant resources of sugarcane , it didn’t work but they found another resource to keep the country free from its needs .

For some strange reason , people tend to not know a lot about economics , even people who are interested in politics , which in my opinion makes their understanding and ability to analyze what is going on and why is it going on a little impaired , politicians can lie , but numbers are hard to be manipulated , and even if they are by careful study they can be cleared out , therefore I believe that understanding economics will give us better insight of the events that’s happening in the world .

2009-09-30T04:43:00.000-07:00

I don't love you , I pity you

I feel ..

2009-09-24T19:07:00.000-07:00

wake up , you've been sleeping for so long , it is okay to make mistakes but it is foolish not to learn from them , is that what you needed to wake up ? the least person you expected to wake you up to warm you about your old intentions ? Idiot ! idiot !

it does not matter now , it could be too late , it could be too soon , it does not matter , you heard the call , answer it , it is time to finally know , and time to finally understand , your fear of regret is what is causing all this . It is time , face it , face it now or never , remain hidden in your shell , a shell that will soon be broken and you'll be laying naked in front of yourself . It is time .

Why not ?

2009-09-06T19:15:00.001-07:00

Its not that the timing is no longer right ,,
Its not that i am almost forgotten , slowly becoming a pleasant memory ,,
Its not the fear of pain , the fear of rejection , and difenatly its not about taking risks ,,

What would you do if you asked God for something , and when He gave it to you , you threw it back at His face ?
What would you do if you betrayed yourself , ruined your destiny ? traded whats right for whats wrong ?

I can not blame Him for what He is doing , but i hope that there is a lesson to be taught , not a punishment that needs to be executed ,,,

For now my friend , i can not face Her , i have to able to look in the mirror before i'll be able to look into Her eyes , i can't stand her disappointment , i can't stand her glowing eyes ,,

My dear old friend , i just remembered why we are different , and why am i no longer that different , we used to have souls , we used to have hearts , we used to have passion ,,,,

I am sorry , but i promise you i will try ,,

maybe then ..

Tell me ..

2009-08-08T15:33:00.000-07:00

Tell me
I'm not alone

Tell me
We are not alone in this world
Fighting against the wind

Do you remember the time
When simple things made you happy?

Do you remember the time
When little things made you laugh?

You know
Life can be simple

You know
Life is simple

Because
The best thing in life is yet to come

Because....
The best is yet to come.

Listen !

2009-07-27T17:30:00.000-07:00

listen to what you say , its easier to try to figure out what you are thinking and why you are thinking it , once you say things outloud and they make sense , its probably because you needed to hear someone saying that thing to you , even if it was you who said it in the end .

Also , do the processing that you do usually when you listen to someone else when you listen to yourself , read between the lines , try to figure out the motive that generated these words , and what they are aiming for ,, usually when you are talking about something alot , it does not usually mean that your satisfied with it , it means that you need to convince yourself of something by self-hypnosis , which is not good :) , when you try to hypnotise yourself your trying to convince your subconscious , then let your subconscious convince your conscious , the conscious is the processing unit , so if you pypass it you'll make illogical decisions and harm yourself , which is not good :)

!

2009-07-20T17:51:00.000-07:00

What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil , but what is just and right lies beyond all .

pointless

2008-04-24T05:47:00.000-07:00

Why should i say what i have in mind if there is something better to say ? its not how i truly feel or think but its better , my honesty only hurts and never helps , and i'm rarely honest , if i was truely honest to any of you , you wouldn't be talking to me ,, you can say i'm polite , thats what i say to myself , but don't tell me that you appreciate my honesty , because humans simply can't handle it ,, you would tell me that sweet but un sincere words have no value and are pure lies, well my dear if they are repeated enough they'll become the truth , and basiclly all sweet words are not sincere ,thats why thier effect is much weaker than harsh words , because harsh words are the truth , i know this post is pointless , but really is there anything that isn't ? ,,so why waste energy saying the truth and defend it , why waste energy doing anything ? say whatever will make the other person happy and make him shut his fucking mouth , laugh at thier fucked up jokes and stories , do not crticize thier faults , so basiclly don't do anything , just obsereve,, laugh about it with yourself ....shababa3ababa shaa5aaa5aa

I'm Tired,,

2007-12-05T11:12:00.000-08:00

A friend once told if you keep giving yourself to other people and allowing them to take small pieces of you , you'll have nothing left . i disregarded that advice , i thought that friends deserve the effort and its okay to sometimes put your wants and needs in second place ,, after all thats what friendship is ,, its good to treat people the way you want them to treat you but its totally wrong to expect them to do so .

Don't get me wrong , i do not hate my friends at all ,in fact after the little fix i was in i love few of them even more ( yes you my gazawy friend) ,true friends value your space , your time , and know when you are tired just by looking at you ,, i have a few true friends , but i realised i have few friends with high morals , friends who understand !!

As for you "others" , fuck you , really fuck you , i'll no longer allow you to ride on my back and just have your way ,, its not worth it , why should i try so hard to entertain you , help you with your problems , do anything if your not appreciating it , and now you think its is my DUTY to do that !! you don't have to say thank you ,, but you should feel that i must do it ! i have a busier life than yours , i have lots of shit to do everyday i can hardly keep up , i hardly have time for myself ,, why should i give an ungreatful son of a bitch like you !! yil3an 5ara !!Humans are just too self centered ,, maybe i'm a fool because i expected to act otherwise sometimes

# 1 best selling useless invention

2007-09-30T11:51:00.000-07:00

A tie is totally useless and pointless , no matter how you look at it , whe i was young i thought it was smart , because its like having a tissue tied to your neck , this way you can whip up your mouth after eating then throw it away or something ,but that wasn't it , and its really annoying as hell , it chokes on your throat . And if you ask why , its simple , because we are civilized , a suit without a tie doesn't show a serious man . I guess its true , if we have declare wars on countries , and kill lots of human , we should atleast do it with a style .

Open minded

2007-09-30T11:30:00.000-07:00

I've had a lot of discussions with people who believed they were open minded , ofcourse they weren't by my book . Being tolerant to talking about a certain subject without getting angry, or being able to talk with a person who is not smart enough for them, but that's not it , i think I've finally reached a definition of it , being open minded means that whenever you start a conversation (with whoever) you are 100% ready to change your thoughts and opinions about the subject at the end , never start with the" i am right and you are wrong" tone , speak to be heard not to show superiority on the other part , and listen to learn , there is at least one good thing in everyone , if you listened you might use it .

Heaven...?

2007-08-12T18:40:00.000-07:00

When describing heaven people tend to think about rivers on honey and wine , endless trees and gold , lots of gold , i always think if i had all these things for eternity i'll be bored and i always wondered what would i want for eternity ,, until that day i figured that out , my heaven is a tree that i can sit under with her , i'd love to talk with her for eternity , listen to her breathing ,, watching her while she is yawning ,,while she is looking at me and her laugh ,,so pure and sweet that it almost tore my unpure heart ,,, i had that heaven on earth ,, and thats why i'm worried that the heaven up there might not match up !

Talent

2007-08-09T19:29:00.000-07:00

One of the words that really gets on my nerves is talent ! Talent is a lie created by lazy indivdiuals so they can excuse themselves for not trying ! Anyone has a fair chance just like anyone else at being anything they want , if you want to become to be a good guitar player al you need is practing , the other X factor is your IQ in this certain thing , if your IQ is low at this certain thing you can work on it ! so please when you talk about someone don't say they are talented ! those people worked thier ass off practing and inventing ways to advance ! calling them simply "talented" is really unfair !!

2007-07-20T19:15:00.000-07:00

No matter how strong we become , or how rich or famous we become , we all fall down and remember whats keeping us alive , why we wake up everyday , we do all what we do in the hope that one day we'll no longer worry about finding the one , because we are filled with the scent of a woman ! now ppl might defer with me saying there is more to life , but currently i couldn't care less , i finally found our reason to live , we all live to love ! we are most human when love , we are most pure when we are in love , we suffer when not loving , we feel pure pain when we get our hearts broken . I know that i've been down and the only thing that saved me was the sweet scent of a woman

10 of my simple pleasures

2007-06-09T11:32:00.000-07:00

i was tagged by A-mok-72 on the 18th of may, to write down 10 of my simple pleasures , sorry a-mok for taking this long to replay , i haven't had the time to post anything lately .

1-Playing Guitar : live or at home , i like it more when i'm all alone , sitting near the window , when i can't sleep .

2-Video Games : i used to play RPGs alot , leveling up characters , Fighting games are great also , and i can't say no to a game of Starcraft

3-Sports : Basket ball is great , i like playing hard and pushing myself , i forget all my other problems while i'm playing , other sports are good

4-Books : Nothing is more relaxing than reading a good book before sleeping , alhtough a good book might keep you up an additional hour or 2 , or all night , but still i call it bed time reading :D

5-Friends : love being myself with them , not alot of ppl see the real side of me , and i always seem to have fun hanging with them , even if we are sitting on the sidewalk

6-Reading and talking about my major , although i don't give it much time these days i love it , each new subject gives you new ways of thinking , but still i hate studying for it :S

7- Stumble : A recomendation for every one get Mozilla firefox and get the stumble plug-in , its the greatest thing ever , you'll get addicted in no time

8-My job : at first i really hated it , but after a couple of months i loved it , got addicted , although it still has its ups and downs but still everything has its ups and downs

9-Music : it always changes my mood to the better , i like watching live shows ( and i don't consider techno as music to listen to )

10- Being Girdish :D

anyways i don't know who reads my blog these days , so i tag anyone who gets to this point ! cheers :D

The after party

2007-05-15T02:27:00.000-07:00

The more i perform live the less i fear the audience until its totally gone now , but without the thrill , with out the fear there isn't much of joy , i hardly feel happy or excited about a concert or whats after it , it became something like a job , an hour that i need to do in order to feel achievment , and i measure my achievment but the strangest act humans do : clapping thier hands and roaring ! just like monkeys . its strange why when we see something that we like we start clapping our hands ! but whats even more strange is that we start measuring how good we were by that act !!

I feel that i'm at a threshold of a new beginning that i was trying so hard to avoid simply because i beleive beginnings are always hard , always stresful , and during them there isn't any guilt free time , everything you do is make that step easier , otherwise i'll consider it wasting time . But looks like that fate wants me to face this new thing , and i'm giving in !

bla bla bla bla

2007-04-15T17:00:00.000-07:00

After living a dream ( even for a short period) , you realize that this wasn't really your dream , this wasn't what you wanted from your life ! Nothing is wasted in life , except time ! when you focus on not wasting time everything loses taste ! what is wasted time ? time not spent in improving yourself but instead having fun with friends ? or just sitting and relaxing getting your thoughts together ? or is it the time you spend building up your "career" so that when your 50 and most of your life is already done you are a ceo of a company ? its just not worth it ! life is not about leaving your mark , because when you leave this life you transform into a soul which supposed to have better needs ( or if you don't believe in afterlife its even worse ) , is life simply about having fun ? living it simple ? or is it about feeling achievement on your dead bed ? is life about worrying about regret in the final moment ?

my biggest fear ....

2007-03-19T15:58:00.000-07:00

i'm the type who likes to know about stuff , even if its little knowledge , and after the small briefing i get ( usually from an expert in the field ) i chose if i want to get into it or not , at first i work alot on improving myself , then my life becomes this thing then i reach to a point where i can't get any further in it ! i don't drop the subject because i have too much pride to admit defeat so i just continue in this field and start with something else ! reach out to the point where i am "good " but not Great , at first it was okay i thought i was just finding my way and i'll find something in the end ! my current biggest fear is to never excel in anything ! and it has been giving me a few sleepless nights !

arabians don't use arabian numbers !

2007-03-01T15:37:00.000-08:00

We all know that the numbers from 0-9 are called arabian numbers , and we don't use them ! i didn't give it much thought until a guy from germany visited our company and was surprised that we don't use them but instead we use other strange numbers ( the indian numbers ) , when i started thinking about it , indian people never invaded us or anything , and even though how come we stopped using arabian numbers and the whole world is using them now ?!!!
I'm talking history wise , how did it happen ?

so what is a dream ?

2007-02-26T14:34:00.000-08:00

From what i heard , the brain records everything we see and hear , but we just have to put a priority tag to each thought so we can recall it , when we memorize things we put a higher priority tag to it so we can easily recall it , and thats ofcourse my monkeyish way of understanding stuff , so a dream are actully random ideas and images from the brain , so we can't dream about things we didn't see ! or atleast thats what i know at the moment ( that means i'm going to read more about dreams because of the following story !!!)

the other day i had a dream about a friend telling me a joke , and it was brand new ! the first time i ever heard this joke ! and i liked it so much that i woke up because i was laughing ! so if dreams are just thoughts from out brains ! then that means that i just told myself a joke that i didn't know !

ps : i know this story is kinda lame , but i didn't post from a while and to be honest i couldn't think of a solution for this small dilema i'm having !

humans , humans and more humans !

2007-02-18T15:40:00.000-08:00

what could be worse than getting stuck in traffic ? getting stuck in Human traffic ! thats the first time something like that happens to me , it wasn't a line for a teller or anything , we were just going up the stairs and there was traffic ! ppl yelling on other ppl to move , ppl trying to cut in between , ppl coming from the second direction , and i was standing for about 10 mintues not moving ! there is just too much of humans ! we shoudn't ride cars if we cant even walk these days !

its not the kill ... its the thrill of the chase

2007-02-14T22:00:00.000-08:00

i was just wondering about it today , what is the thing that keeps people going on in thier lifes ? if people knew from the start that thier goal can be reached , will they keep going for it ? is it really our dreams is what we really desire? or is it just the feeling that we are doing something , something hard , something different , something to brag about in the end . If a man was lost on an island and he knew that he is going to stay there for the rest of his life , and he won't meet anyone , and no one will even find his corpse , will he write a book ? will he try to play an instrument ?will he try to study physics? i don't think so . he'll promise himself that he won't waste any mintue from his life if he got saved , that he will cherish every moment bla bla bla , and when he gets saved he gets back to his normal life , going to his job, watching tv , eating and sleeping , and trying to find new dreams and goals.
so is there something called living your dream ? or just when we make one come true we look for another one , inorder not to lose the thrill that we get from living life !

water-diamond paradox

2007-02-06T16:42:00.000-08:00

One of the reasons that makes me believe that humans are stupid , is simply money ! money is nothing but a paper , but our whole lifes are directed in the way of getting more money , to track money down to its history , it all started when human found gold and thought "oh this thing shines it must be worth something " so for some reason ppl started trading gold for things , and life went on this way , then humans thought its stupid to carry gold around so instead of not using gold anymore , they invented a job , a person who will hold your gold for you (for an intrest of course ) and give you a paper that states that you own a certain amount of gold , and from that money was born ! really , how stupid ! so now we all live just to get more money , more papers to prove that we have more gold (although thats not the system anymore) why ? what is gold ?why is it even that strong ? people use scopes to recognise if a gold is pure or not why ? if it looks pure and you need a scope to know if its not then isn't it gold enough?
now back to the title of my post , Adam smith stated in his book " wealth of nations " - not that i have read that book its 1200 pages long - that the more things are used in our daily life the less of value it has in exchange , an example is water and diamond .
one more reason to love monkeys , they don't have money or a meduim of exhange at all ! lucky them !

first post

2007-02-04T18:27:00.000-08:00

Al gird means The gird , because i'm not a monkey i'm THE monkey , he3 he3 . although it might seem strange at first that i'm calling my self a monkey but there are reasons for that , my first reason is the monkey's life style (which i'll cover later on), the second is my girdish nature ! the monkey's way of life shows how stupid we human beings are ! sure monkeys didn't invent electricty or video games , and i'm sure that monkeys couldn't care less about who is the first who discovered gravity and made our life hell at school ( i hate physics ) but honestly , can't you see the greatness of thier lives ? I never heard about a monkey with a broken heart , or a monkey who is building his career , or a monkey who can't sleep at night because he is wondering if he had chose the right path in his life or not ! all the monkeys are the same , and that which gave them the peace of mind , and the need to be special and different is what gave the human race trouble.